


Who Let Fives Know About the Chat Function?

by thebiqueenxx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, but anyways, but really its just crack, chat fic, it might have accidentally developed some plot??? but not really, rating is basically just for language lol, since obi isn't really in the fic, the codywan is slow burn and not front and center btw, this is just pure crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiqueenxx/pseuds/thebiqueenxx
Summary: Fives creates a chat. Then it all goes to hell.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & the 501st, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker & the 501st, Boil & Waxer (Star Wars), CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, CT-21-0408 | Echo & CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-5385 | Tup, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-5597 | Jesse, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-6116 | Kix, Hardcase & CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-6116 | Kix, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & the 501st, basically like all the 501st friendships
Comments: 115
Kudos: 383





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all welcome to crack hell, I have no idea what possessed me to write this, but I think it's funny, and I hope you do too! I have a few chapters/parts written already, and I hope to update every Friday? The chapters will probably all be relatively short, and we'll see if I can stick to that schedule lol, life is kind of A Lot right now. Anyways, I hope this brings you some joy in these hard times!

_[CT-27-5555 created a chat.]_

_[CT-27-5555 added CT-7567, CT-1409, CT-5597, CT-6116, CT-0218, and CT-5385 to the chat.]_

_[CT-27-5555 changed their name to: Five out of Five.]_

_[Five out of Five named the chat: Bestest Bros.]_

Five out of Five: HEY GUYS I MADE US A CHAT

CT-6116: but,, why

Five out of Five: :( mayhaps so i can talk to my brothers when we’re apart??

CT-1409: don’t let him fucking lie to you this was just so he could better annoy all of us, and because the commander told him “there’s no way you could annoy them more than you already do”

CT-5597: asdfjgha of course she did

CT-1409: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Five out of Five: :(

Five out of Five: Echo stop bullying me challenge

CT-0218: hello i heard it was bully fives hours

Five out of Five: ,,,

Five out of Five: could y’all at least change your names from numbers if you’re gonna bully me

Five out of Five: also, if you don't, i will, so,,,,

_[Several people are typing…]_

_[CT-1409 changed their name to The Best Domino, CT-5597 changed their name to Chaotic, CT-0218 changed their name to Explosions™, and CT-6116 changed their name to The Only Valid One.]_

The Best Domino: wow kix really

The Only Valid One: I treat you all in the medbay for the stupidest kriffing injuries so stfu

Chaotic: he’s,,, got a point

The Best Domino: ,,,,

Five out of Five: ECHO HOW DARE

Five out of Five: WHO THE FUCK DECIDED YOU WERE THE BEST

The Best Domino: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s true and i should say it

Five out of Five: i came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

The Best Domino: good

Five out of Five: :(

Five out of Five: ANYWAY

Five out of Five: does anyone know where tup and rex are???

Explosions™: tup was asleep like 10 minutes ago

Chaotic: rip him, he’s probably awake now with all this

Chaotic: and rex probably took one look at this and starting banging his head against a wall, refusing to take part

CT-7567: bold of you to assume i wasn't just watching to see the chaos play out

Chaotic: AJDFHKSAH HI CAPTAIN

Five out of Five: captain i will choose your name so,,,

CT-7567: dont even fucking think about it

_[CT-7567 changed their name to Get Rex’d.]_

Get Rex’d: so why am i included in this

The Only Valid One: with all due respect sir, if we have to be submitted to this, so do you

Get Rex’d: … I might have to add cody so i’m not putting up with this chaos myself

Get Rex’d: plus it would annoy the shit out of him lmao

CT-5385: idek cody but you should add him

Five out of Five: !!! Tup!!! hello!!!

CT-5385: yeah thanks for waking me up assholes

CT-5385: shit 

CT-5385: except for you captain!!!

Explosions™: lmao way to go tup

Get Rex’d: its ok tup i could never be mad at you

CT-5385: :’)

_[CT-5385 changed their name to: Rex’s Favorite.]_

Five out of Five: HEY 

Five out of Five: clearly the captain doesn't play favorites but if he did, it'd be me right sir

Get Rex’d: it'd be anyone else first fives

Five out of Five: ,,,,

Chaotic: LMAO RIP FIVES

Explosions™: can i get an f in the chat for fives

The Best Domino: f

Chaotic: f

Rex’s Favorite: f

Get Rex’d: f

The Only Valid One: f


	2. New Addition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex adds Cody into the mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, sticking to a schedule! Hope y'all enjoy!

Get Rex’d: hi y’all i'm adding cody

_[Get Rex’d added CC-2224 to the chat.]_

CC-2224: what the fuck rex

Get Rex’d: if i have to put up with this so do you

CC-2224: i'm not even a part of this battalion

_[Get Rex’d changed CC-2224’s name to: He Doesn’t Even Go Here.]_

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ,,,, rex come here 

Get Rex’d: nope and on another note i have to leave right now immediately

Explosions™: f

Five out of Five: f

Chaotic: f

The Best Domino: f

Chaotic: hey commander if you kill rex does that mean we can go with you and general kenobi

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: sure lmao i’d love to see skywalker’s face when you transfer to my far super battalion

Get Rex’d: FUCKER SAY THAT AGAIN

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: what? The part about the 212th being better than the 501st??? That part???

Get Rex’d: I WONT HESITATE BITCH

Get Rex’d: also,,, jesse,,, the betrayal,,, how dare

_[Get Rex’d changed Chaotic’s name to: Rex’s Least Favorite.]_

Rex’s Least Favorite: r u d e

Rex’s Least Favorite: also y’all are telling me that you Wouldnt want to experience a far less chaotic approach to battle????

The Only Valid One: jesse your name was literally “chaotic” like 2 seconds ago

Rex’s Least Favorite: ,,,

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: oh my sweet summer child,,,,, 

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: if you think that kenobi isn't just as chaotic, if not more so, than skywalker,,, you are so very very wrong

Get Rex’d: he's got a point

Get Rex’d: plus he knows the general better than anyone ;)

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: REX I WILL STAB YOU

Rex’s Favorite: no please don't kill my captain :(

Get Rex’d: haha cody i win, no one can say no to tup

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ,, fine but watch your back fucker

Get Rex’d: like you’ll be watching kenobi’s? ;)

_[Several people are typing…]_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[CC-2224 to CT-7567]_

CC-2224: Rex stop embarrassing me in front of the troopers

CC-2224: or i Will tell them about the time you ranted to me about skywalkers ass

CT-7567: hm point taken

CT-7567: but also, like,, i’m probably not really into that?? But thanks anyways lmao

CC-2224: what, the ass or the man

CT-7567: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

CC-2224: valid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[Bestest Bros]_

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: i have come to the conclusion that i will not kill rex today

Rex’s Favorite: yay!

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: but tomorrow is a new day

Rex’s Favorite: ,, wow ok

Get Rex’d: ,, wow thanks cody i'm so happy to have an ori’vod like you

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ;) you're welcome

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: anyways i gotta go, we’re about to drop outta hyperspace so later i guess lmao

Get Rex’d: bye ficker

Get Rex’d: shit

Get Rex’d: **fucker

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ficker????

Five out of Five: FICKER???

The Best Domino: f i c k e r

Rex’s Least Favorite: F I C K E R

Explosions™: F i C k E r

_[The Only Valid One changed Get Rex’d’s name to: ficker.]_

ficker: kix you are no longer valid

The Only Valid One: and yet, here we are

ficker: also!! thanks for coming to back me up guys wow i really appreciate you all

ficker: where’s tup when you need him :(

Rex’s Favorite: sup fickers

ficker: ,,,, i have lost all faith


	3. Halloween Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to get ~spooky~.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like I know Halloween isn't a thing in Star Wars but it's my fic and I get to choose the holidays!! This chapter kinda got away from me so it's a bit longer, hope y'all enjoy!

Rex’s Least Favorite: hey guys should i be a sexy doctor or a sexy loth cat for halloween

The Best Domino: what, and i cannot stress this enough, the fuck?

Rex’s Least Favorite: Halloween is coming up! And if we aren't like actively dying in battle we’re gonna party and wear costumes so i need to know if i should be a sexy doctor or a sexy loth cat

The Best Domino: why do we have to be burdened with the chaos that is jesse

Rex’s Least Favorite: :(

Explosions™: be a sexy loth cat

Rex’s Least Favorite: see someone appreciates me

Explosions™: i was already going to be a sexy doctor

The Only Valid One: everyday we stray further from the Maker

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five out of Five: wait y’all are planning a Halloween party and i wasnt invited?? Wow

Rex’s Least Favorite: fives obviously you’re invited wtf

Rex’s Least Favorite: everyone here is invited!!

Five out of Five: ok good 

Five out of Five: so should i be a sexy rishi eel

ficker: What The Actual Fuck Is Happening In My Sqaud

Five out of Five: the usual chaos

ficker: This Is Not The Usual Chaos

ficker: fives why the Fuck do you want to be a sexy rishi eel

Five out of Five: because i’d look amazing

ficker: i’m not justifying that with a response

Explosions™: where would you even get that sort of costume

Five out of Five: idk i didnt think that far ahead

The Best Domino: i can honestly say i expected worse from fives

Five out of Five: :)

The Best Domino: anyways i’m gonna put on a fake goatee and sharpie a tattoo on my temple and be fives

Five out of Five: imitation is the most sincere form of flattery

The Best Domino: keep telling yourself that

Five out of Five: :( echo stop bullying me challenge

Five out of Five: ANYWAYS what are the rest of y’all going as??? 

Rex’s Least Favorite: yah costumes are required so y’all better step up

ficker: darn i don’t have a costume, guess i can’t participate :/ what a tragedy

ficker: i can just get drunk w cody over comms it’ll be gr8

Five out of Five: ,,, ok

Rex’s Favorite: hm maybe i’ll be a lightsaber

Five out of Five: LMAOOOOOO that’d be fantastic tup 

The Only Valid One: i’ll go as a medic who doesn’t have to put up with his troopers’ shit daily

The Only Valid One: wait no that’s too unrealistic

Rex’s Least Favorite: :(

Five out of Five: :(

The Only Valid One: idk honestly maybe i’ll be a shiny lmao

Explosions™: lol no one would believe that kix

The Only Valid One: i don't have any ideas man

Explosions™: valid lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: rex everyday i’m so glad i’m not part of the 501st

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: no offense y’all

ficker: you say that as if the 212th isn’t Just As Chaotic

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: i mean, yeah, but at least no one in my battalion is dressing up as a sexy rishi eel

ficker: ,,, point taken

Five out of Five: with all due respect, the fact that i came up with that fabulous costume idea proves the 501st is better

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: lmao sure buddy

Five out of Five: i feel vaguely threatened

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ;) then my work here is done

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[CT-7567 to CC-2224]_

CT-7567: so codes wanna get drunk on halloween while our troopers embarrass themselves

CC-2224: yeah sure

CC-2224: fair warning tho i did promise boil and waxer i would show up to whatever fresh hell they’re planning for a bit so

CT-7567: lmao ok we can comm after that

CT-7567: unless kenobi is there then i’ll let you yearn over him

CC-2224: f u c k o f f 

CT-7567: ;) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[Bestest Bros]_

Rex’s Least Favorite: YALLLL ITS HALLOWEEEN ARE YOU REEEADDDYY

The Only Valid One: jesse it is so fucking early what the fuck

Rex’s Least Favorite: im excited, sue me

Explosions™: I'M READY JESSE

Five out of Five: ME TOO GUYS

ficker: i’m assigning you all to lavatory duty good night

Five out of Five: :(

Explosions™: :(

Rex’s Least Favorite: :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rex’s Least Favorite: guys you’re all late

Rex’s Least Favorite: except for tup who was in here already

Rex’s Favorite: :)

Rex’s Least Favorite: im gonna change all your names to ~spooky~ ones since y’all apparently arent taking halloween seriously enough

_[Rex’s Least Favorite changed their name to No.1 Halloween Fan, changed Rex’s Favorite’s name to glow boy, changed Five out of Five’s name to sexy eel boy, changed The Only Valid One’s name to The True Sexy Doctor, changed Explosions™’s name to spooky, changed The Best Domino’s name to Impostor, changed ficker’s name to Scary Captain (no costume required), and changed He Doesn’t Even Go Here’s name to Scary Commander (no costume required)]._

No.1 Halloween Fan: there we go

Scary Captain (no costume required): wow so creative

sexy eel boy: haha i like my new name

The True Sexy Doctor: jesse why

No.1 Halloween Fan: idk man i’m already tipsyy

glow boy: sorry y’all i tried to keep him from drinking too much before you got here

Impostor: lmao no worries tup

spooky: lets get this party started y’all!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scary Commander (no costume required): im So gAy

Scary Commander (no costume required): like w ow

Scary Commander (no costume required): like have u seen obiwAn?? W ow

glow boy: um

glow boy: sir i dont think you mean to be typing here

Scary Commander (no costume required): o shit srry guys im drunnk

Scary Captain (no costume required): none of you will mention this if you want to do anything other than clean the bathrooms for the rest of your lives

sexy eel boy: i knOw its not my plce but go get his ass commander!!1 We aRe rootin 4 you maN

The True Sexy Doctor: ok thats enough alcohol for everyone

sexy eel boy: rUDe, kicks

No.1 Halloween Fan: yeH let us Keep th booozee

spooky: shhhhhhhhhh ure toooo loud

The True Sexy Doctor: ,,,,,, why do i even bother

glow boy: hey can we keep the candy if we give you the booze

The True Sexy Doctor: sure man idc

glow boy: Hell yEah boys les gooooooo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

spooky: jesse no offense but i’m literally never going to hang out with you again

spooky: i ate so much candy and im so hungover whyyyy

The True Sexy Doctor: you all brought this on yourselves

spooky: i mean yeah but gross

Scary Captain (no costume required): yeah just be thankful we aren’t going to be called to action today

Scary Captain (no costume required): and maybe stay out of skywalker and tano’s way if you dont want to get mercilessly made fun of

Impostor: thats a fair point because i used permanent marker to put that stupid 5 on my head and its Not Coming Off

sexy eel boy: thats what you get for making fun of me

Impostor: fives have you looked in a mirror yet

sexy eel boy: ,,, no why

Impostor: ;) hardcase and i had the permanent marker all night and you fell asleep before we did

sexy eel boy: FUCK 

spooky: lol @ fives

No. 1 Halloween Fan: glad yall liked the party, sorry for not confiscating the marker earlier fives

sexy eel boy: its ok at least they didnt draw any dicks

sexy eel boy: now everyone will know i am sexy eel boy since they _Wrote It On My Forehead_

Impostor: you're welcome

spooky: it should come off soon right kix

The True Sexy Doctor: yeah probably

sexy eel boy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN _PROBABLY_


	4. Hardcase: A Tale of Fireworks and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hardcase gets roasted, but really, what else is new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all I just wanna say I know this week has been Really Fucking Stressful for like,, most people so I hope y'all are doing alright! As an American, I've been completely stressed and overwhelmed but writing this fic has given me a bit of a break from real world stress, and I hope it does the same for you! Stick in there everyone, you're doing great, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

_[Bestest Bros]_

Rex’s Favorite: hey hope y’all don’t mind but i changed our names back to what they were since it aint halloween anymore

Five out of Five: #rude

Rex’s Least Favorite: wow tup you have no halloween spirit

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Explosions™: hey uh,,, theoretically,,, is it illegal to have fireworks in the barracks

ficker: ,,, do,, do you have fireworks in the barracks Hardcase?

Explosions™: no?

ficker: ,,,, 

ficker: please do not set fireworks off in the barracks

Five out of Five: HARDCASE YES

ficker: HARDCASE NO

The Best Domino: what the fuck is happening in here on this day

Five out of Five: the usual chaos

The Best Domino: valid

ficker: NOT VALID

Five out of Five: lmao is it bad that i wanna see fireworks in the barracks now

ficker: YES ITS BAD

ficker: why did i get assigned to the 501st,,, 

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: haha yeah wild

Ficker: cody,,, did,, did you get me assigned here

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: no?

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: anyways you’re getting distracted, doesn't one of your troopers have fireworks in the barracks?

ficker: we will continue this conversation later, you asshole

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: ;) sure rex, sure

The Best Domino: the commander’s got a point,, Case hasnt said anything in a hot sec,,,

ficker: _shit_

Rex’s Favorite: don't worry guys i’m with case, he won't set off any fireworks

The Best Domino: hm sounds fake but okay

Explosions™: wow thanks guys

Explosions™: anyways i wasn't gonna Set Them Off in the barracks i just,,, wanted to know if theoretically,, they could be there,,

Ficker: I Do Not See It

Explosions™: thanks captain!!!

_[The Best Domino changed Explosions™’s name to: firework boy.]_

Firework boy: excuse me that's firework Man to you

_[Firework boy changed their name to Firework Man.]_

Firework Man: :)

Rex’s Least Favorite: ngl that smiley face is kinda ominous

Firework Man: _**:)**_

Rex’s Least Favorite: ,,, 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Firework Man: ok so follow up question

Firework Man: theoretically, is there a place on coruscant where i can legally set off fireworks

The Only Valid One: ,,, Case why

The Only Valid One: and probably but idk 

Five out of Five: just set them off and then run away so no one catches you

The Only Valid One: first of all, no

The Only Valid One: and second of all, if you hurt yourself by setting off fireworks i will suddenly not be available to treat y’all

Firework Man: ok but bold of you to assume i’d get hurt setting them off

The Only Valid One: hardcase

The Only Valid One: do you not remember that time that you set your whole ass on fire

Firework Man: look,, that was an accident

The Only Valid One: and yet

Rex’s Favorite: hold on when did case set himself on fire

ficker: yeah wtf i do Not remember this

Firework Man: ,,, uhhh no comment

ficker: kix wtf happened

The Only Valid One: sorry, doctor-patient confidentiality

The Only Valid One: and jesse certainly Does Not Know about this so you definitely Should Not Go Ask Him 

The Only Valid One: ;)

Firework Man: wow the betrayal,,, 

Firework Man: if you’ll excuse me i have to go break jesse’s comm

Rex’s Favorite: f for jesse (and for case’s ass)

The Only Valid One: f

ficker: f

Five out of Five: f

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rex’s Least Favorite: hello i have escaped murder by case

Rex’s Least Favorite: and now i shall regale you all with the tale of a burned ass

Rex’s Least Favorite: it’s really not that exciting but it had me laughing for a good 30 minutes when it happened so

Rex’s Least Favorite: so anyways, me and Kix and Hardcase were doing some searching for any leftover droids a while back, and we came upon this farm on fire

Rex’s Least Favorite: and we thought we heard noises inside so we were like “shit we better look to see if there’s any survivors” (nobody was there)

Rex’s Least Favorite: so me and Kix stop and get close to be like “hey is anyone inside” while Case goes around the perimeter, except Apparently he stood too close to a bush that was on fire and Set His Ass On Fire

Rex’s Least Favorite: you may all be thinking “wait i thought our armor was hard to set on fire” and you would be Correct

Rex's Least Favorite: but it Also turns out that Hardcase had Sat In Some Fuel Earlier, making him more flammable than normal

Rex’s Least Favorite: so kix and i ran around the farm trying to locate where case was yelling from, only to find him with slightly melted armor and a burned ass

Rex's Least Favorite: the end

The Only Valid One: yeah and then he had to ride back to the ship with a burned ass and it was so fucking funny

Firework Man: :( y’all are so mean 

Firework Man: Commander Tano Saw Me And Laughed

He Doesn’t Even Go Here: I literally just laughed so hard that I fell over and startled kenobi which i didnt think was possible so thank you so much for that

Five out of Five: case i love you but Holy Fuck dude

Rex’s Favorite: ajdafjhdkjhkjh hardcase man im trying not to laugh but alhfjhlhalfh

The Best Domino: this really would only happen to case and that makes it so much funnier

The Best Domino: how did you Not Realize you sat in fuel

Firework Man: ,,,, i may have thought it was just water?

ficker: why do i put up with you people

ficker: also how did i not know about this???

The Only Valid One: you were with Commander Cody and General Kenobi for some mission 

ficker: ahhhhh makes sense

ficker: still

ficker: y’all could’ve commed me :(

The Only Valid One: ok the next time Hardcase sets his ass on fire you’ll be the first to know sir

ficker: hell yeah

Firework Man: i dont like the implication that there’s gonna be a next time

Rex’s Least Favorite: bro if Anyone is gonna set their ass on fire more than once, it’s gonna be you

Firework Man: ,,,, perhaps


	5. RIP Rex, He Ain't Dead, but Cody Might Kill Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo has a concussion and Cody attempts to murder Rex. What else is new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!! Here's another chapter for ya! I may be a little slower/off schedule for the next couple weeks since I have two midterms coming up and then it's Thanksgiving, but I'll do my best to post on Fridays still!! Hope y'all enjoy!

_[Bestest Bros]_

Rex’s Favorite: hey random question but where has echo been

Rex’s Favorite: he hasn't been using the chat and i like haven't seen him in a week :(

The Best Domino: BOO

The Best Domino: i'm a ghost now

Five out of Five: but you're not in ghost company

The Best Domino: fives are you trying to be funny because it’s not working

Five out of Five: :(

The Best Domino: anyways tup to answer your question i may or may not have been in and out of the medbay because i may or may not have given myself a concussion

The Best Domino: and kix is mean and he took away my chat privileges because i may or may not have been ignoring his instructions

Rex’s Favorite: ,,, how did you give yourself a concussion

The Best Domino: uhhhhh i don't remember? 

The Best Domino: yeah i don't remember lets go with that

Rex’s Favorite: ,,,

Rex’s Favorite: on an unrelated note does anyone know where kix is

The Only Valid One: ah you’d like to know about the dumbass who gave himself a concussion

The Only Valid One: all you need to know is that he was being stupid, as usual

The Best Domino: look,,,

Rex’s Least Favorite: lmao he was “training” and tried to do a weird spin-kick move thing but got too close to the wall and crashed his head into it

Rex’s Least Favorite: it was so fucking funny

The Best Domino: wow thanks for your love and concern jesse i really appreciate it

Rex’s Least Favorite: anytime

_[The Best Domino changed Rex’s Least Favorite’s name to: On Echo’s Hitlist.]_

On Echo’s Hitlist: ,, wow

The Best Domino: you deserve it

The Only Valid One: echo we do not kill our brothers

The Best Domino: i never said i would actually kill him,, he’s just,,, on my Theoretical hitlist

ficker: i get out of a meeting and this is the shit i see

_[On Echo’s Hitlist changed ficker’s name to: Suffering Ori’vod.]_

Suffering Ori’vod: i mean you aren't wrong

Suffering Ori’vod: also echo please don't kill jesse

On Echo’s Hitlist: :’) thanks captain i knew you cared

Suffering Ori’vod: yeah you're a good trooper

Suffering Ori’vod: and the paperwork would be a Nightmare if echo actually killed you and i'm busy enough as it is

On Echo’s Hitlist: ,,, i'm just gonna focus on the “you're a good trooper” part

The Best Domino: fine i won't kill jesse but he’s remaining on my list

Suffering Ori’vod: fine with me

On Echo’s Hitlist: ,,, 

On Echo’s Hitlist: hey tho shouldn't fives also be on your hitlist i feel like he annoys you more than me

Five out of Five: wow way to stab me in the back jesse

The Best Domino: who’s to say he isn't

Five out of Five: wow echo

Five out of Five: but yeah that's expected

Suffering Ori’vod: disappointed, but not surprised

Five out of Five: captain that's just your constant state of being

Suffering Ori’vod: hm yeah, it's also cody’s

_[Five out of Five changed Suffering Ori’vod’s name to Disappointed, and changed He Doesn’t Even Go Here’s name to But Not Surprised.]_

Disappointed: yeah valid

But Not Surprised: it's what happens when you have to deal with general skywalker and obi-wan on a daily basis

But Not Surprised: I MEAN GENERAL KENOBI

Rex’s Favorite: I Do Not See It

Disappointed: cody’s in ~looove~

But Not Surprised: rex :) come :) here :)

Disappointed: no

_[Disappointed changed But Not Surprised’s name to Mr. Kenobi]._

Mr. Kenobi: _**REX :) COME :) HERE :)**_

Rex’s Favorite: ,,, so anyways

Rex’s Favorite: uhh what are yall up to

The Best Domino: well rex is about to die

The Best Domino: he should not have done that while cody and kenobi are on the Resolute lmaooooo

The Best Domino: can i get an f for the captain

Rex’s Favorite: f

Five out of Five: f

On Echo’s Hitlist: f

Firework Man: so if i just heard a loud shout of “REX!” followed by a very loud scream and thundering footsteps, i shouldn't be concerned?

The Best Domino: i mean he's probably about to die but like nah 

Firework Man: ,, cool

Rex’s Favorite: should,, 

Rex’s Favorite: should someone check on them???

On Echo’s Hitlist: are you volunteering bc im not getting involved

Mr. Kenobi: that's smart jesse

Rex’s Favorite: uhh,,, did you kill rex sir

Mr. Kenobi: no

Mr. Kenobi: he’ll be fine

Rex’s Favorite: ,,, cool

Disappointed: guys hea fucinf sitin on me hlp

On Echo’s Hitlist: f

The Best Domino: f

Five out of Five: f

Rex’s Favorite: f

Firework Man: f

The Only Valid One: welp sirs i’ll be in the medbay if you need me

Mr. Kenobi: don't worry kix he’ll be fine

The Only Valid One: solid

Disappointed: hLp mw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disappointed: I hope all of you know that you’re all on cleaning duty for the next eternity

Five out of Five: :( we didn't even do anything

Disappointed: _yeah that's the point_

Disappointed: like, not like i expected you guys to help me but the f’s in the chat

Disappointed: really

The Best Domino: all due respect sir, you would've done the same

Disappointed: of course i would and yet, i am the captain, and you are not

The Best Domino: :(

Firework Man: ,, hey how did you get away from the commander

Disappointed: I may have shouted “hi general kenobi!” and distracted him

Disappointed: then i ran away and am going to hide until he leaves the ship

Mr. Kenobi: bold of you to assume you can hide from me

Disappointed: ,,, fuck you’re right outside aren’t you

Mr. Kenobi: :)


	6. No Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bestest bros are invited to cards with Fives, and learn about Tup's Other tattoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!! Sorry I missed last week, life has been Very Hectic lately. I also may not be posting on a regular schedule for a good part of December since I have final exams/projects coming up, but I will do my best! Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoy!

_[Bestest Bros]_

Five out of Five: hello my ~favorite brothers~

Five out of Five: who’s down for cards tonight

Mr. Kenobi: ok first of all i'm definitely not your fave and i'm like sure im def not part of this invite, but i'm still petty so 

Mr. Kenobi: no i can't come :)

Mr. Kenobi: apparently “the chancellor needs you and kenobi on coruscant” like thats such a fucking lie

The Best Domino: thats rough buddy

The Best Domino: but yeah @ fives im down

Disappointed: hey cody at least you can gossip with fox

Mr. Kenobi: like yeah but,,, still

Mr. Kenobi: actually tho y’all if rex goes please send me blackmail material

Disappointed: ,, wow

Disappointed: im busy anyways but thanks cody 

Disappointed: also fives please don't get alcohol poisoning

The Only Valid One: if anyone fucking comes to me tonight with alcohol poisoning i swear,,,,

Five out of Five: oof i'm assuming you have a shift then

The Only Valid One: noooo im just gonna be sitting there for fun waiting for one of you dumbasses to hurt yourself

On Echo’s Hitlist: honestly kix i wouldn't put it past you

On Echo’s Hitlist: and fives i'm down, if echo changes my name so i don't have to live in perpetual fear because of this chat

The Best Domino: ,, fine

_[The Best Domino changed On Echo’s Hitlist’s name to My Tattoo is Dumb.]_

My Tattoo is Dumb: you know what i’ll take it

Five out of Five: **@CT-0218 @CT-5385** come answer the question

Firework Man: fuck off im trying to sleep

Firework Man: but yeah ok

Rex’s Favorite: hard pass

Five out of Five: :(

Rex’s Favorite: last time i played cards with you asshats, i was so fucking hungover the next day and i had Training With The Captain

Five out of Five: ,,, how were we supposed to know you never drank that much before

Rex’s Favorite: even if i Had,,, i drank like 10 bottles of whatever the hell kinda alcohol that was

The Only Valid One: and you didn't get alcohol poisoning by some miracle and thats why youre amazing tup

Rex’s Favorite: :’) thanks i try

The Best Domino: ya know tup you could just Not Drink

Rex’s Favorite: you’re telling me,,, that if i went to play cards with you,,, i wouldn’t have to drink,,,

The Best Domino: ,,, you say that as if we’re alcoholics

My Tattoo is Dumb: i drink to forget but i always remember

The Only Valid One: jesse what the _fuck_

My Tattoo is Dumb: B)

Rex’s Favorite: idk maybe i’ll come, but i’ll probably leave early so i don’t get roped into your drinking games or strip poker again

Five out of Five: OOO I FORGOT ABOUT STRIP POKER FUCK YEAH

Disappointed: what is even the point of strip poker We All Have The Same Bodies

Five out of Five: ok first it’s not like we get Nude that’d be Weird

Five out of Five: and this way we can see people’s embarrassing tattoos or scars unless they’re like on someone’s ass

Disappointed: you know what? Valid

Five out of Five: plus that’s how I learned that Tup has a tramp stamp

Disappointed: _i’m sorry tup has a what_

Rex’s Favorite: wow fives the betrayal

Five out of Five: but am i wrong

Rex’s Favorite: ,,, no

Firework Man: ??? i do not remember this wtf do you have a tattoo of tup

Rex’s Favorite: duh i have the teardrop on my face stupid

Firework Man: You Know What I Meant

Rex’s Favorite: ,,, it may or may not be a space slug that’s bright purple and is wearing sunglasses

Firework Man: ajhjfdhksdkjh _what_

My Tattoo is Dumb: and echo named me after a dumb tattoo

Rex’s Favorite: look

The Best Domino: good for you tup im proud

Disappointed: _*reserved sigh*_

Disappointed: why am i here

Five out of Five: like spiritually? Because Who The Fuck Knows

Five out of Five: i’m just here for the ride B)

Five out of Five: and to hopefully not die a terrible, depressing death in my youth

Disappointed: ,, could you lighten up a little

Five out of Five: no ❤️

Disappointed: ,, fives please go to therapy

Five out of Five: who says im not already in therapy

The Best Domino: ranting to me about your problems is not therapy

Five out of Five: perhaps not but it is therapeutic

Disappointed: dont make me order you

Five out of Five: fine fine i’ll go 

Five out of Five: i’m still having cards tho y’all better be ready

My Tattoo is Dumb: hell yeah!!!

Mr. Kenobi: wow rub it in about the party i’ll just be Suffering on coruscant

Disappointed: say hi to fox for me

Mr. Kenobi: duh

Disappointed: say hi to kenobi too ;)

_[Several people are typing…]_


	7. This is a gays only event, go home!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new face gets added to the chat...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all once again life is low-key kicking my ass so sorry for not posting super regularly :( BUT finals are over next week so theoretically I will have more time to write this!!! Thanks for sticking with me y'all! <3

_[Bestest Bros]_

Firework Man: ok so what if, instead of like, fighting normally, we use pool noodles as lightsabers

The Only Valid One: Hardcase what the _fuck_

The Best Domino: dude i don’t wanna die because i brought a pool noodle to a gun fight

Firework man: but what if the noodle had a knife stabbed into it

The Only Valid One: hardcase

The Only Valid One: did you stab a bunch of pool noodles with knives

Firework Man: no definitely not haha that’d be irresponsible

Firework Man: just uh don’t come in the bunks

Disappointed: yo wait what the fuck is this

The Best Domino: wdym sir??

The Only Valid One: hardcase is being a dumbass as usual sir nothing’s new

Disappointed: ok so like

Disappointed: rex let me borrow his datapad because anakin broke mine

Disappointed: so hi it’s ahsoka lmao

Five out of Five: AKJHJKADFKSJFH WHAT

The Best Domino: OH MY GOSH HI COMMANDER

The Only Valid One: oof sorry you had to hear about hardcase’s new dumbass plan lmaoooooo

Disappointed: lmao no worries

_[Five out of Five changed Disappointed’s name to Definitely Captain Rex.]_

Definitely Captain Rex: lol

Definitely Captain Rex: so like who are y’all? I got echo and fives and hardcase and i’m assuming kix is the only valid one

The Only Valid One: yep lol

Rex’s Favorite: i’m tup! :D

My Tattoo is Dumb: it is i, jesse, who is being bullied by echo

Definitely Captain Rex: F

Mr. Kenobi: oh hey ahsoka it’s cody

Mr. Kenobi: WAIT FUCK

Mr. Kenobi: I FORGOT THIS WAS MY NAME FUCK

_[Mr. Kenobi has left the chat.]_

Definitely Captain Rex: ALFHLDFHLKFLKFJKFJ

Definitely Captain Rex: okay who named cody that because i want to thank them personally

The Best Domino: lol rex did

Definitely Captain Rex: what a fucking Legend

Definitely Captain Rex: so are y’all also rooting for cody and obi to get together or,,,,

Five out of Five: i mean tbh none of us know general kenobi like Super well but like,,, yeah

My Tattoo is Dumb: plus it’s fucking hilarious seeing rex antagonize cody about it lmao

My Tattoo is Dumb: fuck don’t tell cody i said that

Definitely Captain Rex: lmao i gotchu no worries

Definitely Captain Rex: so like,,, what is this chat used for 

The Only Valid One: basically it’s just another embodiment of the chaos that is the 501st

Definitely Captain Rex: valid lmao

Definitely Captain Rex: could,,, could I be added once my datapad is fixed?? Also please don’t just add me bc im your superior officer

Rex’s Favorite: i mean i’d be down and i think most people would be

Firework Man: lmao i think you scared cody away for good tho

My Tattoo is Dumb: lol just add both of them but don’t tell cody we added ahsoka

Firework Man: valid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Definitely Captain Rex: y’all couldn’t keep it together while the commander was using my datapad

Definitely Captain Rex: cody commed me and was so stressed lowkey it was funny tho

_[Definitely Captain Rex changed their name to Cody’s Therapist.]_

_[Cody’s Therapist added CmmrTano to the chat.]_

Cody’s Therapist: hey commander i’m gonna add cody back in a minute

Cody’s Therapist: also, welcome to the chaos

Five out of Five: commander i will change your name for you so

CmmrTano: whoa bro give me a sec

_[CmmrTano changed their name to lesbean.]_

lesbean: aight i’m good

_[Cody’s Therapist added CC-2224 to the chat.]_

Cody’s Therapist: welcome back cody

CC-2224: y’all my soul literally left my body

CC-2224: rex i will Murder you for putting me in that situation

lesbean: what situation

CC-2224: COMMANDER TANO????

CC-2224: oh gods oh fuck

Cody’s Therapist: ASHFJAHFKLDHFSKLA

CC-2224: so like you’re not gonna tell skywalker or kenobi riiiiiight

lesbean: lmao nah you’re good 

lesbean: anakin is way too oblivious anyway

Cody’s Therapist: you have a point

CC-2224: thank you commander i appreciate your discretion

_[lesbean changed CC-2224’s name to pining gay™.]_

pining gay™: ,,,, look

Cody’s Therapist: ahsoka bold of you to call cody the pining gay when you literally yearn over every strong woman we see 

lesbean: ,, women pretty

Five out of Five: hell yeah they are dude

pining gay™: this is a gays only event go home

Five out of Five: bold of you to assume im not bi bitch

pining gay™: shit my bad

pining gay™: you can stay

Cody’s Therapist: cody you should know that the battalion run by the biggest disaster bi/himbo and the ultimate lesbian is not going to be straight

Rex’s Favorite: he’s got a point

_[lesbean changed their name to The Ultimate Lesbian.]_

The Ultimate Lesbian: rex i hope you know that i am going to forever treasure this day as the day that you called anakin a himbo

Cody’s Therapist: lmao thanks i try

The Ultimate Lesbian: also smh my gaydar is off i had no idea about some of y’all

The Ultimate Lesbian: like no offense rex i thought you were like the Token Straight Friend

Cody’s Therapist: _*laughs in asexual*_

The Ultimate Lesbian: valid

Rex’s Favorite: wow captain smh stealing my thunder huh

Rex’s Favorite: i’m ace too!!! (i think??)

Cody’s Therapist: DUDE NO WAY

_[Cody’s Therapist changed Rex’s Favorite’s name to Rex’s Ultra Favorite.]_

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: :)

Firework Man: o shit are we all coming out??? Whattup im hardcase, im 10, and i never learned how to read

Firework Man: oh and also im hella pansexual and possibly perhaps maybe go by he/they

The Ultimate Lesbian: i literally love that for you

Cody’s Therapist: hell yeah!!!

The Best Domino: sup fickers im super gay

My Tattoo is Dumb: my gaydar, or shall i say Bi-Fi, has brought me to this chat

The Only Valid One: i have no fuckin idea man i’m still working on it

The Ultimate Lesbian: kix you are legit the most valid person i know

My Tattoo is Dumb: hell yeah dude you got this

The Ultimate Lesbian: also cody i am now taking this time to confirm that yes obi-wan is 1000000% gay and yes you should ask him out

The Ultimate Lesbian: gods know that man ain’t gonna do it himself

pining gay™: ,,, thanks for the info commander

The Ultimate Lesbian: ;) any best friend of rex is a best friend of mine

Cody’s Therapist: i hope y’all know that we are gonna throw the gayest party ever now y’all are so valid 

pining gay™: :( can you do it when i’m around

Cody’s Therapist: smh the things i do for you

Five out of Five: commander tano please im begging you make skywalker come to this thing for like 5 mins i think his head would explode

The Ultimate Lesbian : lol for sure

The Ultimate Lesbian: oop i gotta blast im supposed to train with anakin in a few mins

The Ultimate Lesbian: bye y’all!!

Cody’s Therapist: kick his shebs!!!


	8. Everyone Wants to Punch Grievous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn Kix is good at time management, Cody is just here for everyone else's entertainment, and everyone wants to punch General Grievous, because, well, have you seen him??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I am apologizing for not consistently sticking to schedule,,,, I know at the beginning of the fic I said I'd update every week but now it's probably going to be every other week :/// BUT I do still have plans for this fic for the foreseeable future so!!! 
> 
> Anyways I hope you all had good holidays if you celebrate, and if not, I hope you had a good couple weeks regardless!! I hope y'all enjoy the new chapter! <3

_[Bestest Bros]_

Firework Man: guys i just saw Kix crying and then a timer went off and he immediately stopped crying and went back to work

Firework Man: what the hell did i just witness

My Tattoo is Dumb: ,,, kix you good there bro

The Only Valid One: it’s called time management 

Cody’s Therapist: ,,, once again i am asking everyone to please go to therapy

The Only Valid One: bold of you to assume im not already in therapy

The Only Valid One: i complain about y’all the whole time :) because why :) must :) you :) punch :) droids :)))))) Our Hands Are Not Made For That :))))))))))

Firework Man: somehow i feel like youre calling me out

pining gay™: lmao thats nothing i once jumped on general grevious with like 3 of my troopers it was Great

The Only Valid One: :))))))) you fucking did what :))))))))

pining gay™: it’s fine i’m fine

The Only Valid One: :))) commander i know you are technically my superior but i wont hesitate bitch :)

Cody’s Therapist: kix please dont murder cody youre a doctor

The Only Valid One: i’m still a trooper 

Cody’s Therapist: ,,, ok true but still

pining gay™: bold of you to assume you can kill me

The Ultimate Lesbian: wait dont kill cody yet i wanna see if he actually gets the guts to ask obes out

pining gay™: ,, thanks for your concern

The Ultimate Lesbian: ok im in a meeting rn but keep me posted :D

pining gay™: ,,, am i here just for entertainment about my nonexistent love life

The Only Valid One: yes

Firework Man: yes

My Tattoo is Dumb: yes

The Best Domino: yes

Five out of Five: yes

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: yes

Cody’s Therapist: no?

Cody’s Therapist: (yes)

The Best Domino: i mean ultimately rex put you here to annoy you but

The Best Domino: this is much better

Five out of Five: yeah we get to annoy one of the most important troopers in the GAR

Five out of Five: AND hear about drama between him and a jedi??? Who’s his GENERAL????? Sign me the fuck up

pining gay™: haha yeah it’s great being one of like 4 active marshal commanders :)))))

pining gay™: if only obi-wan would stop getting the rest of the council to promote me

pining gay™: i honestly think he’d try to make me the fucking chancellor if he had the chance

Cody’s Therapist: ,, you,, you do realize he’s doing that because he likes you??

The Only Valid One: jedi are often emotionally constipated it’s the only way he knows how to show affection lmao

pining gay™: ASJHFAKHFAHFAHFLHFLJ 

pining gay™: AFFECTION??????

Cody’s Therapist: kix i think you broke him

The Only Valid One: good now maybe he wont fucking yeet himself at one of our MAIN ENEMIES who happens to be a _Very Tall CYBORG_

Cody’s Therapist: you know what? Valid

Five out of Five: ok but if i had the chance to punch grievous i would no doubt

The Best Domino: i think we all would

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: except kix lmao

The Only Valid One: no i’d find pure beskar and build myself a special punching glove out of it solely so i could punch grievous in the face

Firework Man: SLJDHFLAHFAFH I WANT ONE OF THOSE

The Only Valid One: There Can Be Only One And It Will Be Mine

Cody’s Therapist: as your superior, i would confiscate your special punching glove

Cody’s Therapist: and use it to punch grievous Myself

pining gay™: and i would steal it from rex as his superior and take it to coruscant and punch the chancellor in the stupid wrinkly face :)

pining gay™: THEN i would find grevious and punch him

The Best Domino: wow commander cody is that slander against the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic?????? How dare you not respect our supreme wrinkly overlord of greatness who cares so deeply for our lives

My Tattoo is Dumb: AHSDJAHFJAHK “supreme wrinkly overlord” jfkahdflh

Five out of Five: echo you rant about how shitty the republic is like every day

The Best Domino: I Would Never

The Best Domino: (yes i would)

The Ultimate Lesbian: ok look

The Ultimate Lesbian: the republic isnt,,, like,,, the best,,,, 

The Ultimate Lesbian: but it’s better than the separatists and as long as the jedi have some influence it should be chillin??????

The Ultimate Lesbian: idk man anakin never talks to me about politics

The Ultimate Lesbian: except when he tells me, in detail, about the war crimes he’s planning

pining gay™: i’m sorry About The _What_

The Ultimate Lesbian: dont worry I usually talk him out of it

The Ultimate Lesbian: or get obes to talk him out of it

pining gay™: ,,,,

Firework Man: i wanna commit a war crime :(

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: y’all we are SO lucky these chats arent monitored

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: ,,, they arent monitored right 

pining gay™: nah we’re chilling

pining gay™: i think there may be logs somewhere but no one reads personal chats unless there’s like a trial or some shit like that where they’re needed

Cody’s Therapist: plus we all use our last shreds of self-preservation to not tell anyone else about this chat

The Best Domino: true

Cody’s Therapist: gods if generals skywalker Or kenobi found this i think i’d have to fake my own death

pining gay™: oh mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry if this chapter ended kind of abruptly,,, I literally had no idea what else to write here lmao


	9. Cody Wins (Briefly)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another new face gets added...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am once again apologizing for not updating when I said I would,,,, life has been Rough lately but,, hopefully it'll all be chillin soon!! I hope y'all are having a good 2021 and I hope that this year goes better for y'all than the last one!!! <3 Enjoy the new chapter!

_[Bestest Bros]_

pining gay™: OK EVERYBODY SHUT UP IM DOING SOMETHING

_[pining gay™ kicked Cody’s Therapist from the chat.}_

_[pining gay™ changed their name to Cody.]_

_[Cody added GenSkywalker to the chat.]_

Cody: sup skywalker

GenSkywalker: HAHA YES HI GUYS

Five out of Five: oh fuck yeah

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: sup general

My Tattoo is Dumb: hello!! welcome to the chaos >:)

The Ultimate Lesbian: sup skyguy

GenSkywalker: wait 

GenSkywalker: ahsoka you’re gay????

My Tattoo is Dumb: kajhfhfkalhkfl

Five out of Five: KSAFHJAFHKDFKDKF WOWWW

The Ultimate Lesbian: bruh--

The Ultimate Lesbian: i talk about women all the time im--

GenSkywalker: ohhhh i thought you were like “oh haha strong role models” since i’m ya know, me 

GenSkywalker: even tho i am literally the best role model anybody could ever ask for

Cody: ahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahh

Cody: keep on believing that

GenSkywalker: >:( im gonna tell obi-wan that youre bullying me

Cody: dew it

GenSkywalker: :(

_[GenSkywalker changed their name to Role Model Extraordinaire.]_

Role Model Extraordinaire: B)

Cody: whatever

Cody: anyways im gonna add rex so if you wanna badmouth him now is the time

The Only Valid One: he never fuckin takes his health seriously i mean goddamn it what is With you people in command thinking you are invincible my gods

Cody: ,,,,

The Ultimate Lesbian: ,,,,,,,,,

Role Model Extraordinaire: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Five out of Five: smh kix it’s not Only those in command that think they’re invincible

Five out of Five: for example, my working theory is that i’m immortal

The Only Valid One: fucking _WHY_

Five out of Five: been thru some shit, havent died yet

My Tattoo is Dumb: fives i’m with kix right now and i think he’s about to spontaneously combust 

Five out of Five: B)

Cody: ANYWAYS im adding rex back now

_[Cody added CT-7567 to the chat.]_

_[Cody changed CT-7567’s name to Cody Wins.]_

Cody Wins: codes why the fuck are you like this

Cody Wins: What Have You Won

Cody: ;)

Cody Wins: ,,,,,whatever 

Cody Wins: anyways y’all Will Not Believe the shit skywalker tried to pull earlier

Cody Wins: like he had good intentions i guess but throwing himself off a Very Tall building?? When he already over exerted himself with the Force???? I nearly killed him myself

The Best Domino: can i get an f for rex

Cody Wins: ?????? why dude

Five out of Five: lmaoooo f

My Tattoo is Dumb: f

The Only Valid One: f

firework man: f

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: f

Cody: f

The Ultimate Lesbian: f

Role Model Extraordinaire: yeah big oof my dude

Cody Wins: ??? whomst the fuck

The Ultimate Lesbian: rex its a himbo

Cody Wins: GENERAL SKYWALKER?????

Cody Wins: FUCK

Cody Wins: CODY I WILL MURDER YOU

Cody: ;) i’m not there bitch try again later

Cody Wins: coward

Cody Wins: so hi general 

Role Model Extraordinaire: lmaooo hi rex

Role Model Extraordinaire: also me throwing myself off a building was a calculated risk!!!

Role Model Extraordinaire: but damn, im so bad at math

My Tattoo is Dumb: so if the general gets murdered tonight it’s either kix, or rex, or both of them

Cody Wins: :)))))))) general dont make me tell kenobi about you

Role Model Extraordinaire: pshhhh like he isn’t just as bad

Role Model Extraordinaire: “oh anakin, your lightsaber is your life!!!” 

Role Model Extraordinaire: _then he proceeds to lose his lightsaber in every battle ever_

Cody: he needs a wrist strap for that thing i swear

The Ultimate Lesbian: this entire lineage is full of chaos

Role Model Extraordinaire: i mean, yeah

Role Model Extraordinaire: anyways do y’all just complain about me here orrrrr

My Tattoo is Dumb: ,,,look

The Best Domino: not,,, always???

Cody Wins: yeah we also bother cody about his “non-existent” love life

The Ultimate Lesbian: shut up rex :))))) he doesn’t know :)))) hes oblivious :)))))))))

Cody Wins: oop---

Role Model Extraordinaire: ???? 

Cody Wins: nevermind?? It’s,,, personal i guess

Cody: ,,, haha yeah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Cody: ANYWAYS

Cody: quick hardcase blow something up

firework man: oh fuck yeah

firework man: imma go set off some of those not-at-all illegal fireworks if y’all wanna join

Five out of Five: yes yes yes

The Only Valid One: where are you setting them off??? We’re on a ship???

firework man: B)

firework man: it’ll be fine dont worry about it

My Tattoo is Dumb: guys i think kix is about to have a conniption

The Best Domino: it be like that sometimes

Cody Wins: y’all the general is Right Here

Role Model Extraordinaire: yeah and now i get to go see fireworks i see this as an absolute win

The Ultimate Lesbian: mood

Cody Wins: ,,, smh i’m the only adult here huh

Role Model Extraordinaire: wow rex 

Role Model Extraordinaire: but like,,, yeah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[CT-7567 to CC-2224]_

CT-7567: cody i will add obi-wan to this chat somehow i literally swear on my life

CC-2224: yeah that’s about what i expected

CC-2224: but like, worth it

CT-7567: also,, skywalker isnt Staying in this chat righttttt

CC-2224: oh gods no fuck

CC-2224: lmao could you imagine

CT-7567: ok good lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_[Bestest Bros]_

Cody: everyone say bi to anakin

Cody: fuck wait

Cody: **bye

My Tattoo is Dumb: nice

The Best Domino: nice

Five out of Five: true bi rep, we love to see it

Role Model Extraordinaire: ok i know youre kicking me out but hold on

_[Role Model Extraordinaire changed their name to Bi Bi Bi.]_

Bi Bi Bi: ok im ready kick me

The Best Domino: sir, you are a Legend

Bi Bi Bi: ;)

_[Cody kicked Bi Bi Bi from the chat.]_

Cody: and there you go

_[Cody Wins changed their name to Ace of Spades and changed Cody’s name to little bitch boy.]_

little bitch boy: wow

Ace of Spades: cody im so done with you

The Only Valid One: rex do you not remember that you were literally the one who added cody to this

Ace of Spades: Did I Ask

little bitch boy: haha i still win your troops love me now

Ace of Spades: just you wait fucker

Ace of Spades: im adding obi if its the death of me

little bitch boy: ok and?? I’ll just add waxer and boil

little bitch boy: it’d be So Chaotic y’all wouldnt be ready

Five out of Five: i love chaos!!!!


	10. Rex Wins (Or... Does He?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex adds a new face to mess with Cody... but it backfires just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!!! I am once again apologizing for not posting last week,,, life has once again been kicking my ass but hey!! We're gettin through it lol. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!! <3

_[Bestest Bros]_

_[Ace of Spades kicked little bitch boy from the chat.]_

Ace of Spades: aight listen up fuckers

Ace of Spades: i may or may not have snatched kenobi’s chat code so i think mayhaps i shall add him yes or no

Five out of Five: yes

The Only Valid One: yes

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: yes

The Best Domino: yes

My Tattoo is Dumb: yes

Firework Man: yes

The Ultimate Lesbian: YES REX DO IT 

Ace of Spades: aight here goes nothing i guess??

_[Ace of Spades changed their name to Rex Always Wins.]_

_[Rex Always Wins added GenKenobi to the chat.]_

Rex Always Wins: hi general kenobi!

GenKenobi: Hello!

GenKenobi: Quick question, why am I here?

Rex Always Wins: i’m uhhhh messing with cody?? Im gonna add him back in a min lol

The Only Valid One: rex wants to get back at cody for adding general skywalker to the chat

GenKenobi: Anakin is here??

My Tattoo is Dumb: no lol, we kicked him

The Best Domino: ahsoka is here tho

The Ultimate Lesbian: hi master kenobi!!

GenKenobi: Hello Ahsoka! I like your chat name

The Ultimate Lesbian: B) thanks

_[The Ultimate Lesbian changed GenKenobi’s name to oBI-wan kenoBI.]_

oBi-wan kenoBI: Thanks Ahsoka :)

The Ultimate Lesbian: lol no worries master

Rex Always Wins: ok so im gonna add cody back if thats alright

oBI-wan kenoBI: Sure that’s fine, he’s not busy rn

Rex Always Wins: cool

_[Rex Always Wins added CC-2224 to the chat.]_

_[Rex Always Wins changed CC-2224’s name to loserrrr.]_

Rex Always Wins: sup bitch

loserrrr: wow hi rex

oBI-wan kenoBI: Hello there!

loserrrr: GENERAL KENOBI??

loserrrr: hi babe!

oBI-wan kenoBI: Hello dear <3

Rex Always Wins: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

Rex Always Wins: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RN WHAT THE FUCK

Rex Always Wins: CODY YOU MONUMENTAL ASSHOLE

_[loserrrr changed their name to Cody ALWAYS Wins.]_

Cody ALWAYS Wins: get wrecked dude

The Ultimate Lesbian: AHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHH

The Ultimate Lesbian: cody i was so unsure when you said to not tell rex but oh my gods this paid off

The Ultimate Lesbian: he’s fuming rn its so funny 

Five out of Five: wait the fuck

Five out of Five: cody have you just been stringing us along this whole time???

Cody ALWAYS Wins: nah not the whole time, just for a few months now lol

Cody ALWAYS Wins: remember those drunk messages on halloween?? That was Right after we got together

oBI-wan kenoBI: Ah, so that’s why you wouldn’t let me use your datapad

Cody ALWAYS Wins: ,,, look

The Ultimate Lesbian: wait so when i said you should ask out master kenobi you were already together??? I thought you got together after that???

Cody ALWAYS Wins: we were already together lmao

oBI-wan kenoBI: I must say, this is quite entertaining

oBI-wan kenoBI: Rex, you should have left Anakin in the chat for this

The Ultimate Lesbian: he still doesnt know?????

Cody ALWAYS Wins: bro he’s dumb what do you think

oBI-wan kenoBI: He is, dare I say, not the brightest when it comes to situations like this

The Only Valid One: the man has Zero common sense

The Best Domino: dude dude dude you should add skywalker to the chat again so he can find out about this

The Best Domino: if y’all are chill with him knowing 

Cody ALWAYS Wins: yeah idc 

Cody ALWAYS Wins: that would be p funny lol

Rex Always Wins: cody i’ll have you know i am so mad at you rn

Rex Always Wins: the second i see you next I Will Fight

Cody ALWAYS Wins: wow rex smh i thought you’d want to gossip

Rex Always Wins: … hm true

My Tattoo is Dumb: ANYWAYS are we adding skywalker or not

oBI-wan kenoBI: Hold on one sec

_[oBI-wan kenoBI changed My Tattoo is Dumb’s name to Positive Vibes Only.]_

oBI-wan kenoBI: Ok I’m all good now

Positive Vibes Only: :’) thanks sir 

oBI-wan kenoBI: No problem Jesse!

The Best Domino: ,,,, ANYWAY

_[The Best Domino added GenSkywalker to the chat.]_

GenSkywalker: hell yeah i’m back

GenSkywalker: wait why i’m suspicious of y’all

oBI-wan kenoBI: Congratulations Anakin, you managed to spell “suspicious” properly

oBI-wan kenoBI: If only you could do the same in your reports

GenSkywalker: OBI-WAN??????

GenSkywalker: damn hey what’s up 

GenSkywalker: what have they told you because haha they Lied

Five out of Five: wow sir you really think we’re snitches huh smh

Firework Man: that’s cold sir

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: i can’t believe you think so low of us

GenSkywalker: ,,,,, look

Rex Always Wins: ,, ok so hi general

Rex Always Wins: did you perchance know that kenobi and cody are together

GenSkywalker: well no shit dude they’re on a mission rn of course they’re together lol

Cody ALWAYS Wins: KLDFHLHDFJSHFLAFKDJK;AF;LFJKLSF

The Best Domino: ADFKDFJKLFJKHFKHSKLHKLDHLK

The Ultimate Lesbian: AHAHAHAH KFJLKFJLKFJSF;

Rex Always Wins: ,, w o w

GenSkywalker: ???

oBI-wan kenoBI: Anakin!

oBI-wan kenoBI: Cody and I are In A Relationship

GenSkywalker: ASHDHFAHFJ WHAT THE FUCK SINCE WHEN

GenSkywalker: DID YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS

The Ultimate Lesbian: lol they just found out but i’ve known for like a month and a half lol

GenSkywalker: AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?????????????

GenSkywalker: wow betrayal of the highest order smh

GenSkywalker: anyways im happy for y’all

Cody ALWAYS Wins: thanks i guess

oBI-wan kenoBI: Your support means a lot 

GenSkywalker: master we Are talking about this later ok

GenSkywalker: i want all the details

Cody ALWAYS Wins: yeah yeah bye anakin

_[Cody ALWAYS Wins kicked GenSkywalker from the chat.]_

oBI-wan kenoBI: I suppose that’s my cue to leave as well

oBI-wan kenoBI: Anakin is already messaging me rapidly so... 

oBI-wan kenoBI: Bye everyone! 

Cody ALWAYS Wins: bye babe love you!

oBI-wan kenoBI: <3

_[oBI-wan kenoBI left the chat.]_

_[Rex Always Wins changed Cody ALWAYS Wins’s name to simp lord.]_

simp lord: yeah accurate

Firework Man: sooo now that that’s over,,,

Firework Man: mayhaps i could finally interact w waxer and boil now

simp lord: oof that’s a lot of chaos

simp lord: but maybe later lol the 212th is a little hectic rn

Rex Always Wins: gods i can feel the headache coming already


	11. New Additions, New Brands of Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dynamic duo Waxer and Boil finally make their appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!!! I hope life is treating you well and I hope you all enjoy this chapter!!! <3

_[Bestest Bros]_

firework man: sup bitches

firework man: i am now blessing you all with my announcement that i shall only be using they/them pronouns from now on please and thank you

Five out of Five: fuck yeah i love that for you

Positive Vibes Only: what are your feelings on people calling you like bro and dude and stuff like that

firework man: hm bro is fine but dude,,,, hm

firework man: also “guys” is chill bc that’s basically already gender neutral

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: hardcase i literally love this for you

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: and not to steal your thunder or anything but if y’all wanted to try maybe using xe/xem pronouns for me in addition to he/him that’d be nice :)

simp lord: dang i wish my troopers were as valid as you all

The Best Domino: :’) i literally love you all and you are all so valid

simp lord: waxer announced their change in pronouns by painting it in gas on a broken ship then lighting the gas on fire so it spelled out “they/them” in actual fire

firework man: FUCK WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT

The Ultimate Lesbian: cody i pray for you every day

The Ultimate Lesbian: but like what a way to come out

Rex Always Wins: mad respect for the mad lad

simp lord: speaking of waxer, their shift with boil ends in like an hourish so i can add them then if y’all are still down

Rex Always Wins: i mean like, no, but like, sure

The Best Domino: dew it

Five out of Five: dEw iT

The Only Valid One: will my suffering never end

Positive Vibes Only: kix u good there bro

The Only Valid One: I cannot die a death you know

Positive Vibes Only: *whispers* _what the fuck_

The Only Valid One: i havent sleeped in like 48 hours man im so tried

Rex Always Wins: KIX GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP 

The Ultimate Lesbian: yeah what he said

The Only Valid One: sh i’m trying to sleep

Rex Always Wins: ,,,,,,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

simp lord: ok y’all here they come

_[simp lord added CT-0626 and CT-1212 to the chat.]_

CT-0626: HI GUYS IVE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU

CT-0626: this is waxer btw

_[CT-0626 changed their name to Wax On, Fuck Off, and changed CT-1212’s name to Bubbly Boy]._

Bubbly Boy: why

Wax On, Fuck Off: bc your name is Boil and stuff bubbles when it boils

_[Bubbly Boy changed their name to Fiasco.]_

Fiasco: yuh yeet

simp lord: sup y’all welcome to hell

Rex Always Wins: hey guys

firework man: waxer we heard about your glorious coming out involving flames and i just gotta say that i’m a huge fan ily

Wax On, Fuck Off: B) thanks hardcase

Fiasco: yeah that was pretty funny lol

Fiasco: they just were trying to steal my thunder since i had Just come out as polysexual 

Fiasco: but whatever I’m not petty :)

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: i think rex would actually kill ME if i tried to come out with fire 

Rex Always Wins: don’t be silly tup i’d just assign you to lavatory duty for the rest of forever :)

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: hm yeah i’d rather die

The Only Valid One: you better fucking not

Positive Vibes Only: bro i thought you were asleep??

The Only Valid One: i Was but then i got the sense that one of my troopers was being a dumbass so here i am

The Only Valid One: hello waxer, boil, i am now going back to sleep

Fiasco: ah, medics

Wax On, Fuck Off: splinter has tried to preemptively murder me like 4 times by now so kix got nothin on him

Fiasco: i’d say we should add him but i do not want to die so

simp lord: yeah lmao if splinter gets added he aint stayin

The Ultimate Lesbian: wait is splinter new??? I dont remember meeting him???

simp lord: yah he’s new

simp lord: super good medic but by gods he scares the shit out of me sometimes

simp lord: he doesnt even cower at all under my Commander Glare help

Rex Always Wins: lol kix doesnt anymore either

firework man: they stop cowering when they realize out of all of us, they have the only working braincell

Five out of Five: thats so valid honestly

Fiasco: hm commander why is your name simp lord

simp lord: ,,, no comment

firework man: it’s bc kenobi was here and they were being gross and romantic and stuff

Wax On, Fuck Off: oh you think it’s bad in the chat????? Try going to a briefing with them and they wont stop eye fucking from across the table

Rex Always Wins: ,,, gross

Rex’s Ultra Favorite: hm i dislike that

simp lord: WAXER

Wax On, Fuck Off: you know i’m right sir

simp lord: ,,,, shut up

Wax On, Fuck Off: so like do boil and i get to stay or

firework man: oh fuck yeah

firework man: we have to work together to drive rex and cody batshit crazy

Rex Always Wins: you really don’t HAVE to

firework man: nah we’re gonna tho

simp lord: fantastic,,,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not find a CT number for waxer or boil anywhere, but if I somehow overlooked something lmk! Also! Splinter is my medic OC for the 212th, if y'all were confused. He may be showing up later 👀.... Thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3 Reminder, you can find me on Tumblr @thebiqueenxx !


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